i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
