Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
