OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
