did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
