i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
