i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
