her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
