My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
