I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
