Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
