It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
