i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
