Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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