Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
