Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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