On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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