I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
