When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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