u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
