I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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