DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
