he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just want nice things and good sex
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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