Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
