I puked a lego.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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