If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
