i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
