i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
