i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
