paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
