I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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