White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
