You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
