He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
