I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
