Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
