Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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