You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
