he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
