im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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