While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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