He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
