I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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