i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
