I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
