Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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