You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
