Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
