ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
