Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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