Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
