Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize