Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
