why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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