Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize