You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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