I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
