she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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