fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
