mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
