so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
