You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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