Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
