haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
there is puke in my bra ... again
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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