Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
