Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
