I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize