i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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