Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
