Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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