Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
