fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
