We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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