What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
