Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
