After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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