So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
