I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
