you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
