And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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