They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
