Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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