Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And then my night got REAL pukey
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
