worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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