We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
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