We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
