You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
