i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
