Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize