We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
