reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
