the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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