My liver just broke up with me...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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