hell yes lets make some ravioli
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
